Losing You

I get it now. And I feel so alone. 
Losing you was inevitable, right? Had I said something, I still wouldn’t have had a fair chance. We could have talked over the phone for ours, videochat maybe, but would it have been enough? I didn’t think so. I knew I was willing to do it all for you, but I didn’t believe you could do it for me, so I never said anything. I didn’t believe.
Losing you was inevitable, right? No. That’s a lie. I wish my faith had been strong enough to believe back then. Maybe I could have said the words that would have made you mine. Maybe you wanted to make it work just like I did.
I understand now I just had to say it. I had to take the chance, because it could have changed everything. I was scared. I didn’t want to have you and then lose you. I didn’t want to feel that pain again. I thought I’d be fine with just letting you go, that I would eventually forget you and it wouldn’t mean anything… But I was wrong.
Years have passed and I never stopped thinking about you. I have regretted not saying anything each and every day since then. And the pain is so much worse now, because I realise today that it’s too late, that I don’t even have the chance now… and I never agan will.
I am happy for you. I am happy because you found someone who makes you truly happy. I am happy because you really do deserve someone who loves you as much as I know she does. 
I betrayed myself. It’s never been like me to just give up and stop believing. I know today that I lost you in that moment when I chose the silence, but I’ve learned from that mistake. I will never stop believing again. I will never stop dreaming, I will never give up. 
Nevertheless, I will live with this regret for the rest of my life. I wish you could see how much you’ve changed my life. The hope you’ve given me… And maybe in another life I’ll get to make it right.